Time

"Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us want is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time." (Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy)

 

No matter how much time we need, it's still never enough for us.

Pesan Pada Diri

Kosong. Suram. Namun, ia masih lapang. Selapang dan seluas lautan. Di tepian pantai ini, aku hanya inginkan kedamaian, ketenangan. Sesak dada dengan himpitan manusia kota. Permata yang aku cari semakin tenggelam dek kaca yang bertaburan. Ia bersinar sama seperti permata. Tetapi, sinarnya hanyalah pantulan cahaya dan lampu. Aku belajar celik mata hati. Untuk menilai yang mana kaca, yang mana permata. Jarang berjaya. Jari kerap terluka dihiris kaca. Sehingga aku sudah lali dengan hirisan dan tikaman itu. Kesakitan yang sudah sebati. Parut bersilih ganti. Aku...masih di sini. Dan kekal begini. Aku tidak mahu jauh dari kaca-kaca itu. Kerana kaca itu jugalah yang menaikkan semangat aku untuk terus berjuang mencari permata yang disembunyikan.

"Jiwa kena kental. Tak kental, kau mati. Bukan mati pada jasad. Tapi, mati jiwa dan hati kau." Bisik pada diri sendiri.

Ingin tahu betapa kental jiwa dan hati seseorang itu, lihatlah pada senyumannya. Bukan pada parut luka di hatinya. (Gadis Kaca Mata - Mei 18, 2013)

Dear My Lovely Mak...

I'm not a good daughter to you and Abah. I always argue and have different opinion. I'm the one who don't like others to control my life. I'm too stubborn and ego. Yet, you still love me.

We argue, we didn't talked to each other for a whole day, I cry, I hurt you, I run away. Yet, you still love me. Yes, I'm selfish, ego. But, I always love you, Mak. Always...

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be

I'm sorry for all the mistakes I had done. I hurt you and I'm sorry. I make you cry and I'm sorry. I left you and I'm sorry. You were disappointed and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mak...

Back then I didn't know why

Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes

All that you did was love

Since I was a little kid, I never shared my stories with you. My feelings, my memories, my life. The first time I cried to you while talking to you through phone, that time I can't keep it anymore. And with your calm voice, you told me to be patience, stop crying and moved on. I love you, Mak...

I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now

Every little thing you said and did was right for me

I had alot of time to think about, about the way I used to be

Never had a sense of my responsibilty

(Spice Girls - Mama)

All I can do is pray for you, Mak. All your kindness, I can't pay back with money. But, I ask Allah to pay it for you because He knows that you are the best Mak I ever had in this world.

I am sorry. I love you, Mak. :')